In Her Web She Still Delights
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My Baby Dragons
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Adult Dragons
Things You Come Up With While Punchy
posted Sunday, 23 September 2007
So Trevor and I started kicking this back and forth, and, well. "When correctly viewed, anything is lewd". And on that note...Everything I Needed to Know About Sex, I Learned From D&D.
1) A light weapon can be wielded one-handed, but anything bigger than you are requires two.
2) Always declare your "dodge buddy."
3) Total protection is your friend.
4) Restoration, also.
5) Remember to bring a wand to all adventures.
6) Team up with a friend, because flanking is good!
7) You can share space with an ally if you're Small.
8) It's easier to take your armor off than to put it on.
9) Make friends with someone who can cast cure disease.
10) If you roll a 20, you can score a hit on anything.
10b) Don't. Roll. A. 1.
11) If he uses a d12 a lot, he's a barbarian.
11b) If he starts to rage, run.
12) Sorcerers may be smooth talkers, but remember that Charisma may be the only thing they're good at.
13) Flaming sphere. 'Nuff said.
14) Remember, burning hands is a 1st-level spell for a *reason*."
15) You can get some really cool effects with shocking grasp, but remember to set a safeword.
16) Wizards and Priests need an hour to recharge, but Sorcerers only need 15 minutes.
16b) But see above under "the only thing they're good at".
17) Web is good for, shall we say, improvisation.
18) Never believe ANYTHING said by something with tentacles.
19) You didn't really think grease was for combat, did you?
20) The verbal component for any cleric spell is "OH GOD! OH GOD!"
21) Rogues have ranks in Open Lock. This can come in handy if you're forgetful.
22) Just because someone tells you "Just go ahead and fail this saving throw" doesn't make it a good idea.
23) Become a necromancer: the death of your friends is just the beginning of the fun.
24) You're fucked. Just admit it. You're fucked.
24) Polymorph can be fun. Baleful polymorph, not so much.
24b) Unless you're into frogs.
25) Your AC is lower against touch attacks. This may or may not be good.
26) Three words. Point. Blank. Shot.
27) If you can catch them flat-footed, you can do a Sneak Attack. You rogue.
28) Some skills just can't be used untrained.
29) It's easier to grapple someone than to hurt them.
30) Put a few ranks in Use Rope.
31) Once you get good enough, you can go twice in one round.
32) Once you get *really* good... it's Epic!
33) "Monster Manual" is not what it sounds like.
34) There's a reason they call it the Dungeon Master.
35) Please remember the difference between "a player" and "a character."
36) The more protection you're wearing, the slower you can move.
37) Spell names to remember: Bear's endurance. Hold person. Bull's strength. Detect thoughts. Prestidigitation.
38) Cast detect evil on potential associates.
39) Alignment incompatibility can be a problem in relationships.
40) It's OK to have to look up the details sometimes, but you really should know the rules before you begin playing.
41) Unfortunately, you cannot cast enlarge on only part of a creature.
42) All adventurers come equipped with a ten-foot pole.
42b) And 50' of rope. See #30.
43) But those iron spikes are very, very rarely useful.
44) Your gender doesn't affect your stats.
45) If you can do it to them, it's perfectly reasonable for them to do it to you.
45b) Vice versa.
46) Reading books can make you better at just about anything.
47) You have to overcome their resistance before you can really be effective.
48) Monks are vastly overrated.
49) When in doubt, roll and shout!
50) Every week, millions of adults gather around tables, roll multi-faceted globs of plastic, consult paper and books and generally play 'pretend' when they could be out with their husbands, wives, boyfriends and/or girlfriends having perfectly good sex. This should tell us something.
Further suggestions are welcome.
R.S.V.P.